Not everything on this blog has to be all serious.
I often enjoy witty exchanges with my friend and fellow Burlington Marketplace businessperson Chelsea (the wit, of course, coming mostly from her side of the dialogue). And sometimes, I endeavor to give Chelsea a bit of relationship advice since I really want her to find a good dude (someday). But, the thing is, Chelsea is on a certain plane of awesome, a high-fashion local celebrity with SNL staff-writer comedy chops. Boring dudes just won’t do.
In about 30 seconds Chelsea broke down the Burlington relationship situation and why it just doesn’t work for her. And I nearly died laughing.
Let’s join the conversation, already in progress…
Me: …I’m just saying that dating dudes who are basically Ripley’s Believe It or Not oddities is probably not the way to go…
Chelsea: WHO THEN, ZACH. WHO. A City Market cashier? One of the dudes who works at Patagonia? THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY DUDES IN THIS TOWN.
Me: Yes, either of those would be fine.
Chelsea: Yes. They seem like so my type. We can debate the semantics of “localvore” and spend saturday mornings strolling through the farmer’s market. And slowly but surely the Chelsea as people know her will die. Fin. I’ll move to the Old North End, start smelling like Indian food, wear functional sandals à la Born or Sofft, and eventually…Chaco’s.
Me: NO, NOT CHACO’S!
Chelsea: Yep. Then I’d have to change my FB status to “in a domestic partnership with Jeff McBoring” because we’re so above traditional marriage. Probably get a dog, a rescue, naturally. And then when I get preggo I’ll quit STA (which has essentially become OGE) and take a part time sales job at Patagonia so I’m not too stressed out.
Me: A bike from Old Spokes?
Chelsea: Yep. Sign me up.
Me: Ok, I see your point.
Chelsea: Can’t wait. Get my hair cut into something short and sensible, get the Om symbol tattooed on the back of my neck… All because you wanted me to settle down with a City Market cashier…
Me: You’re out of control.